


A Bit of Fun

by Sunless_Garden



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angry Erik, Erik is not a Happy Bunny, Human Charles, M/M, Mutant Erik, Poor Charles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-04-07
Packaged: 2018-01-18 02:56:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1412380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunless_Garden/pseuds/Sunless_Garden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles is Erik's forever - the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with and can't imagine his future without. So why is he saying that Charles is nothing more that his temporary bit of fun?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"You're not wearing your watch," Erik murmurs softly into Charles's ear as the other man puts on his cufflinks.

Charles tilts his head up to smile at him, catching his lips in a soft, sweet kiss.

"Raven said Emma's parties get wild, and I don't want to risk something happening to it," he whispers against Erik's lips. "I wouldn't go without it otherwise."

Erik nods his understanding, leaning down for another quick peck before he steps back. If he doesn't put some distance between them, they are going to be very late - if they even make the party at all. Charles drives him insane with want, with something more than want, and sometimes Erik wonders how he ever got along without him.

*****

One hour later

"What's your power?" Alex asks Charles, the second general introductions are over, and Erik cannot help his wince at the question. "Do you, like, read minds or something? I think Emma wants another telepath around."

"Oh. Um, I don't have a power," Charles responds, shooting a quick glance at Erik. Erik avoids those blue eyes, staying silent.

"Don't be modest, dude!" Sean butts in. "Do you bend time? Transform into animals? I know putting up with Erik has to be a power of its own, but what's your secondary mutation?"

Raven strides up to where the four of them are standing, glaring at Erik before slipping a smile onto her face and an arm around her brother's shoulders.

"Charles is super-optimistic, and he can lecture on about genetics for hours," she says, and Charles beams at her. Fuck, why didn't Erik just say something? Diffuse the situation somehow? He shouldn't need his boyfriend's sister to come to the rescue.

"Thanks, Raven," Charles huffs, flushing just a bit. "Where's Emma? We've been here for ten minutes now, and I haven't seen the birthday girl yet. I would like to say hello and happy birthday, at least."

"Emma is in the kitchen, ordering the caterers about," Raven laughs a bit, shaking her head and letting her hair ripple all different colors. Charles reaches up with a smile at a rainbow colored section.

"Your control is improving," he compliments. "But to be honest, I prefer your natural color. Very striking."

Raven just slaps at his hand with a smile and pushes him off towards the kitchen and Emma.

"You aren't coming, Erik?" his boyfriend asks, a little frown creasing the skin between his eyes. Erik wants to reach forward to smooth it, but - but the others are watching.

"Go ahead, Charles. I will wish her happy birthday when she comes out to greet her guests like the civilized person she likes to pretend she is," Erik replies, and Charles just shakes his head in response before departing.

Then Hank walks through the door, and Raven is off like a shot - practically teleporting to his side. (If Erik didn't know better, he would think Azazel helped her.) He smirks a bit at the thought, before realizing that Raven's departure has left him alone with Alex and Sean.

"Seriously, man? Seriously?" Sean asks, raising his eyebrows in mock disapproval. "What about that whole - 'humans are inferior scum; they will fear us and hate us' thing you've had going . . . oh, as long as we've known you? You're dating a normal?" 

Erik knows that Sean does not share his ideologies (five of his seven siblings are normals, as are his parents - a very tolerant family on the whole), but the younger man would not miss an opportunity to mock or embarass Erik. Even though he has no room to talk - he brought Moira McTaggert as his date to Alex's birthday party last month.

"Oh, shove off Sean," Alex replies with a smirk. "Erik must just loooooooove Charles so much that his inferiority doesn't matter."

"That, or Raven's brother is just really good in bed," Sean continues, punching Erik playfully in the arm.

"Well, that is the only thing he is good for," he says scathingly - and even as the words come out of his mouth he feels awful, because it is the farthest thing from the truth.

He loves Charles. Compassionate Charles, who embraced Raven's mutation and convinced his parents to adopt a little blue girl. Brilliant Charles, who has a PhD from Oxford and teaches genetics and thinks Erik's mutation is the 'grooviest' thing in the world. Funny Charles, who can make Erik smile even when he's brooding, who sings in the shower and puts Mickey Mouse ears on the chocolate chip pancakes he makes Erik on the mornings after particularly good nights.

But that sinking feeling of guilt in the pit of his stomach doesn't stop him from continuing to run his mouth.

"I wasn't even planning on bringing him here today, but we ran into Emma last night and she put me on the spot. Knew it would embarrass me to have to bring my little bit of normal fun to a party with all our friends. Really, if his mouth wasn't so good at relieving my stress, I would have found a new distraction a long time ago," Erik finishes, and Alex and Sean are looking at him like he's a monster.

Good, maybe that will stop them from mocking him in the future.

"That was harsh, man," Sean says faintly, as if he is not sure whether that is the right response, but he needs to say something.

Alex just shakes his head in disgust, and pulls his friend away. Erik is left alone in the middle of the room for a moment, before he pulls himself together enough to go stand with Azazel and Janos. Hopefully they won't ask about Charles.

*****

Ten minutes later

"Raven," Azazel greets the shape-shifter with an almost-smile over Erik's shoulder, and Erik turns to ask whether she has seen Charles - really, Emma should at least try not to hog all his boyfriend's time.

He is met with a fist to the face, and the ground rises up to meet him before he can even blink.

"What the fuck?" he growls at the floor, trying to shake off the dizziness while he works his jaw to make sure it isn't broken.

"You better stay down, Lehnsherr," Raven growls right back. "Just your bit of 'normal fun'? A 'distraction'? Is that all my brother is to you? A nice stress reliever because he's good in bed? Why the fuck did you have to embarrass him like that in public? Not only do you fucking use him, but you make sure that all our friends need to know it? Why would you - how could you - I trusted you with him, you asshole. I told you! I told you! I have half a mind to get a piece a fucking glass and use it to cut your dick off."

Erik stumbles to his feet, trying to make sense of the situation. How did Raven . . .?

"What, did Sean and Alex go tattle and take my words out of context?" he smirks, trying to buy himself some time to regain his equilibrium.

"I don't think there is any context that could make your words any less hurtful," Raven spat, and by this point Hank was at her side, frowning at Erik in disapproval. "And no - Sean and Alex didn't tell me. Charles heard you."

The bottom drops out of Erik's world, and he thinks he is going to throw up, and he wishes he can turn back time and every other fucking cliché he can think of. He thinks Raven should probably hit him again - he deserves far more.

"Charles . . . Charles heard?" he asks, somehow getting the words through the lump in his throat.

There are tears in Raven's eyes at this point, but she doesn't let them fall.

"You stay the fuck away from my brother, Lehnsherr. Or I really will find a piece of glass," she threatens, and then she turns and storms off with Hank trailing in her wake.

"What are you looking at?" Erik spits out, glaring at everyone still staring at him. People quickly look away as metal starts to heat up and twist and . . . 

"You dallied with Raven's brother?" Azazel asks. "That was not top form."

Erik just swallows, unable to come up with a suitable response.

"Charles didn't deserve that," Janos says quietly, and it might as well be a punch from the normally silent man.

Erik doesn't have any response. Because they are only speaking the truth. Or at least, the truth as Erik portrayed it. Because Charles is the furthest thing from a fucking 'dalliance' that Erik has ever had, and of course he didn't deserve Erik's stupid, maliciously hurtful words - even if he never intended Charles to hear them. Because he did, and Erik doesn't have the power to turn back time and unsay them, or to slip into everyone's minds and make them forget that he was ever so stupid.

Because Charles isn't a dalliance. He isn't a bit of fun, or a distraction, or . . . 

Charles is the man that Erik wants to spend the rest of his life with. The man that he wants to wake up to every morning, and go to bed with every night. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, and all that fucking rubbish that he didn't believe in - for that twenty or so year period between when his father had his mother killed for insurance money and when Charles walked into his life.

"You should have said that instead. It would have silenced Alex and Sean far more effectively than your mockery of masculine pride," Emma tells him snidely, striding over to him from the open kitchen door. "You also wouldn't have caused a scene at my birthday party - or maybe you would have. Charles probably would have thrown his arms around you and agreed to marry you if he had heard you say that, but at least it would have been a positive scene."

Erik just swallows, looking at her with wide eyes and wondering just how much she has gleaned from his mind.

"Enough," she replies, looking at him like he is scum on her boots. "I like Charles. He really is as stupidly good as he appears. And for some unfathomable reason, he loved you."

Erik winces at the past tense, wondering what Emma would do if he threw up on her thigh-high white boots. In response, she just glares harder - and then she projects what Charles was feeling as he said his hurried goodbyes to her and tried to escape with some of his dignity intact. The wave of _painhurtshamelovehurtconfusionpainangersorrowlovehurt_ hits him like an avalanche, and Erik stumbles back a bit under the weight of that emotion.

Charles.

"But he is a _normal,_ after all," Emma says spitefully. "Maybe he deserved to have his heart smashed to pieces for daring to love the great Erik Lehnsherr."

Erik doesn't respond, just pushes by her on his way to the door. He can't think of a single way to fix this - and he's not even sure he deserves to.


	2. Chapter 2

Erik knows he doesn't deserve forgiveness, but he can only resist four days before he goes to Charles's door to ask for it. A man opens the door - and that man is not Charles. He is shorter than Erik, with broader shoulders and bulging muscles.

"Hey bub," the guy greets, looking Erik up and down - obviously checking Erik out. (Gay. This guy is gay. Gay and in Charles's apartment.) "What do you need?"

Erik wonders if he could get away with ripping all the iron out of this intruder's blood. Such stupid sideburns are an affront to the world.

"I'm looking for Charles," he grits out, manfully resisting the urge to strangle the other with his own dogtags. (He can feel the metal calling to him - and what kind of name is 'Logan' anyway?)

"Logan? Who is at the door?" Charles's voice calls from inside the apartment, and then Charles is in his line of vision for the first time in four days, and all Erik wants is Logan gone so he can talk to Charles and maybe beg for forgiveness. He's hoping the begging will not be necessary, but he's also ready to swallow his pride if that's what it takes to get Charles back.

"Erik Lehnsherr?" the intruder growls, dark eyes fixing on Erik in an entirely different way.

"Logan," Charles says cautiously, placing a gentle hand on the other man's straining forearm. "Perhaps I should talk to Erik alone? Raven and I will see you tomorrow for lunch, yes?"

"Charles - if you think I'm leaving you alone with this fucker . . ." and suddenly three bone claws are sliding out of the man's right hand.

"Logan, I will be fine. Erik will not physically harm me," Charles reassures, seemingly unperturbed by the foot-long claws sticking out of this man's hand.

Logan looks at Charles searchingly, before nodding sharply and elbowing past Erik. "If you hurt him again, they won't find your body," he mutters gruffly as he practically body checks Erik into the doorframe.

"Come in," Charles murmurs softly once Logan turns the corner, and then steps aside to let Erik in. "Logan was just helping me pack up the last of your things."

Erik notices the two large boxes as soon as he steps into the apartment. He can do nothing but stare at them dumbly.

"Yes, I was quite surprised as well," his - what? Boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Love of his fucking life? His Charles chuckles resignedly. "You left more things here than I had realized. Quite a few turtlenecks, along with a random other assortment of clothes. Some books. Of course your toiletries. Your coffee-maker."

"Charles," Erik trails off, unsure how to respond.

"I don't . . . I'm not going to yell, Erik," Charles murmurs, with a small, sad smile. "We can be mature adults about this, yes? I imagine you've come for your things, and here they are. I'm not going to fight you about this - everything you've ever left here or ever given me is in these two boxes. If I've forgotten anything, please let me know and I will return it to you promptly."

This isn't what Erik wants. This isn't what he came for. He doesn't know how to deal with this.

"Oh!" Charles exclaims softly - and then his left hand goes to the watch on his right wrist.

The watch Erik gave him for their six-month anniversary. (How was that only three weeks ago? They were so happy). The watch that Erik knows inside and out. The watch Erik uses - used - to always locate Charles whenever they were anywhere near each other. The watch Charles didn't wear to Emma's party because he was afraid something would happen to it, so Erik didn't know Charles was close enough to hear. He never would have said all those stupid, untrue things if Charles had been wearing his watch.

Charles takes the watch off, staring at it with wide, hurt eyes - before stepping forward to hold it out to Erik. To return it to Erik.

He doesn't want it back. He never wants it back.

"Don't - I don't - I didn't come for my things, Charles," Erik states, finally.

Charles just looks at him, confused for a moment, before his blue eyes harden and he takes a step back.

"I don't want to have sex with you," Charles tells him firmly. "I don't - I want a real relationship, Erik. And obviously . . . you can't give me that. Don't want to give me that. I don't know. But I do know that I'm not going to be your little bit of fun. I have more pride than that."

"That's not why I came!" Erik replies, aghast at the thought that Charles truly thought he would use him that way. But why wouldn't Charles think that? Isn't that exactly what Erik said? "I didn't mean what I said to Alex and Sean."

"Then why did you say it?" Charles questions calmly.

And Erik doesn't have an answer to that, because 'You're not a mutant, so I was ashamed to admit that I love you' probably isn't going to win Charles back.

"Well?" Charles prompts.

"The guys were mocking me. I got defensive. It was just - it was a stupid joke, to try to get them to shut up. I didn't intend for you to hear," Erik explains, scrambling for a suitable excuse.

Charles just looks at him with a sad, resigned expression on his face.

"I'm not stupid, Erik," he says finally. "I know you're ashamed of me. We've been dating for over six months now, and you never introduced me to even one of your friends. I thought it might be because maybe you weren't comfortable being out of the closest yet, so I didn't push. But that's not it, is it? Because I'm just your bit of _normal_ fun. That was the emphasis, wasn't it? Not that you're just using me for sex - but that you're just using me for sex because I'm not a mutant so I couldn't possibly be good enough for anything more."

There has to be something Erik can say or do or - something to fix this. But staring into Charles's sad blue eyes, scrambling for an excuse or an explanation or an apology or anything, anything to make Charles forgive him and not hurt anymore and not want to end their relationship - Erik has nothing. Erik has nothing, and it is his fault. Of course it is his fault. He had this beautiful, caring, perfectly imperfect man (Charles was his, Charles had been his) and he destroyed it because he had too much damn pride to publicly recant his hatred for all humanity.

"I want you by my side," Erik says desperately, sharing the only truth he has left.

Charles just keeps looking at him with those sad eyes - and then he shakes his head in exasperation, irritation, denial.

"That's not enough," Charles tells him. "That's not enough. Because you don't really want me by your side - not in the eyes of king and country. You want - you want me in your closet, Erik. And I've spent far too much of my life being ashamed of who I am to step back, even for you."

What can he say to that?

"Please just take your things and leave," Charles murmurs, looking down at the watch still lying innocently in his hand. Then he places it on one of the boxes, before stepping back resolutely. "I'm going to leave the apartment now. You can have someone over to help you with your things. And I trust you can use your power to lock up before you leave?"

Charles goes to walk past him, to leave the apartment - to leave Erik. Erik cannot bear to let him go. He catches Charles's arm in a firm grip, turning the man to face him.

"I love you," Erik tells him, painfully honest.

It is the first time he has said those words to Charles - it is the first time he has said those words to anyone since his mother died. Charles looks at him with pained eyes, because he must know how much it took for Erik to say that, to admit that.

"It's not enough," Charles murmurs again. "I need someone who will be proud of me, Erik. Someone who won't judge me and find me wanting for something I can't change. If I could be a mutant - if all it took was wishing hard enough to give me the power to bend metal, or shapeshift, or read minds - don't you think I would? Don't you think I would choose to be part of the next step in human evolution? To stand proudly beside you, and Raven, and Logan? But I can't. And you - you want me to be yours, but you don't want to be mine. Not really. So please, let go of my arm - and let me go."

"Charles. I do. I do want to be yours. Please," and Erik is begging, begging for Charles to relent and say that it will all be okay. That Charles will make Erik grovel for a while, but eventually it will all be alright. That they will be alright. "Please."

Erik never begs, but he thinks that if ever there was a time to completely upend his worldview and perception of himself - it is now. Charles chuckles bitterly, closing his eyes as if bracing himself for pain.

"Even if I took you back, Erik - then what? Raven would think me a fool. Logan - Logan would probably try to kill you. And Emma and Alex and Sean - and all the rest of your and Raven's mutant friends? What will they - what do they think me? Do you think I can stand by your side, my head held high, all the while knowing that they think me nothing more than your fuck buddy?" Charles asks him, opening those too-blue eyes to stare at Erik dead-on. "They will never respect me, not after what you said. And to be honest, I'm not sure that you respect me. That anything will change if I take you back - let you back into my heart and home and life. So please, Erik - I will ask you once more: please let go of me. Find yourself someone else to be happy with. Someone who fits your ideal."

Erik lets go of Charles's arm, and watches as the man he is desperately in love with walks out of the door of his own apartment - leaving Erik with nothing but boxes full of material things. And a watch meant to be a promise of forever - a promise that Erik broke. Erik thinks of Charles last words - and it will be impossible. Because Charles is Erik's ideal, and he knows with certainty that he will never be happy with anyone else.


	3. Chapter 3

"That, or Raven's brother is just really good in bed," Sean says, punching Erik playfully on the arm.

Erik glares daggers at him.

"Do not speak so disrespectfully," Erik orders angrily. "Charles is the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. The man that I want to wake up to every morning, and go to bed with every night. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, and all that fucking rubbish that I didn't believe in - for that twenty or so year period between when my father had my mother killed for insurance money and when Charles walked into my life. It doesn't matter that he's human, and if anyone's the better man between the two of us it is Charles."

Alex and Sean are looking at him like they've never seen him before - or maybe they think he has been possessed by a demon or replaced by a pod person or something. But Erik doesn't care - because it is the truth. He loves Charles, and he isn't going to let Sean talk about him so disrespectfully.

"Oh, Erik," he hears, just before he feels a familiar body press up against his back, arms winding around his waist. "Oh, I love you, so much."

Erik turns to return Charles's embrace, to see those baby blue eyes look up at him in such adoration. "I do love you so, Charles," he murmurs softly, before dipping his head to catch those tempting red lips with his own.

It is the first time he has said those words since his mother's death, and he cannot think of a more perfect moment or a more perfect person to share it with. Charles's watch brushes against the side of his face as Charles buries his fingers in Erik's hair. Erik wants to give Charles a ring to match that watch, so everyone will know that Charles is his, forever. The watch - the watch is a promise from Erik to Charles, just for them - but a ring would be for the world to know, to see.

To see that Erik wants Charles by his side, forever. That Erik wants Charles by his side, and he wants to stand at Charles's side. That he wants Charles to be his, and that he wants to belong to Charles. Charles breaks their kiss with a smile, nuzzling into Erik's neck a bit before pulling back, opening his mouth to say:

"Erik, get showered and dressed. You are taking me to lunch."

Why is Emma's voice coming out of Charles's mouth?

Erik opens his eyes, disoriented and confused. Charles - Charles disappears, turning to smoke and stealing out of his room like a bandit in the night, taking Erik's heart right along with him. Charles's watch is on his wrist, pressing against his temple. Charles's shirt is bunched in his other hand, forgotten and left behind by its owner but more precious to Erik than any diamond or gold, though his scent no longer permeates the fabric. Erik wants to go back to sleep, wants to return to his dream. Wants his dream to be reality, and reality to be nothing but a bad dream to be forgotten the next morning in the warmth of Charles's arms, his smile, his eyes.

Those ridiculous chocolate-chip Mickey Mouse pancakes that Erik always used to tease Charles for making, watching from the table as his lover got flour all over the place. Charles just smiled and laughed and took his teasing good-naturedly, promising to clean up - but Erik would always help afterward, because he couldn't resist the syrup-flavored kisses he would get in reward.

"You really are pathetic, Erik," Emma sighs, shaking her perfectly coiffed head at him. "It's been three months. Barring a miracle, divine intervention, or you getting up off your ass and putting yourself out there, he's not coming back."

"I know," Erik whispers.

He knows, oh how he knows. Three months of dreaming of Charles, only to wake up to a nightmare. Three months of wondering how much longer he will hurt like this, of wondering if Charles is hurting just the same. Hoping that he is, and then feeling awful about it - because Charles is truly too good for him, and is probably hurting and hoping that Erik is happy and has forgotten all about him.

Three months of hoping Charles hasn't moved on yet, because each day without him just makes Erik more convinced that he never will.

"Erik!" Emma snaps. "Your little pity party is over. Get showered and dressed. You are taking me out for lunch."

Erik closes his eyes and sighs. He doesn't feel like going out (he never feels like going out anymore, not with the Charles-sized hole by his side and in his heart) but he feels like arguing with Emma even less. Surprisingly, she has been the one to stay by his side, as most of their mutual friends side with Raven. The ones who don't - who see humans as inferior and think Erik hasn't done anything wrong - don't understand why Erik is in mourning.

Emma knows what Erik has done wrong, but she hasn't abandoned him yet.

Yet.

"Erik, I can feel the self-pity coming off you in waves, even without telepathy. If you aren't ready in the next ten minutes, I'm going to take your credit card and treat myself without you," she threatens.

Erik would actually prefer that, but he drags himself out of bed anyway, stumbling to the bathroom for a quick shower.

*****

Emma makes him take her to a little out of the way cafe, definitely not her usual fare - nowhere near expensive enough. But the place has atmosphere, and Erik doesn't bother asking why she chose this place over one of her more typical restaurants. They seat themselves at a little table in the corner, and Emma makes him sit with his back to the room. It makes him antsy, not able to see threats if they should come - when they should come. But honestly, he trusts Emma well enough to know she has his back. And with her telepathy, she has always been better at identifying and assessing threats.

Emma orders a glass of wine. Erik orders tea, made just the way Charles likes it. Liked it. Erik wonders if his tea preferences changed at all, though Charles steadfastly ordered it the same way the entire six months they dated.

"Erik, this isn't healthy," Emma chides him, weirdly gentle - almost as if she thinks he will shatter if she is too harsh with him. "You don't drink tea."

"I like the smell of it," he protests. It is the truth - he cannot stand the taste of it, not really, but the smell of it reminds him of Charles. The only time he ever liked the taste of tea was the hint of it he would catch in Charles's mouth when they kissed. He wonders if someone else is tasting those lips now.

"Please, try to stop acting like a moody teenage girl," Emma complains. "You are giving me a headache."

Erik pushes his tea to the side, staring down at the cheap tablecloth. "Why'd you pick this place, anyway?" he asks, deciding that he might as well try to hold a decent conversation.

Emma smirks, leaning back in her chair.

"Raven recommended it to me. She says that it is Charles's favorite new cafe. He comes here for lunch every Saturday with Raven and Logan," she tells him, her voice a silky purr that usually has every straight male within the vicinity ready to cream his pants. Thankfully, Erik isn't straight. And it is her words, rather than her tone of voice that concern him right now.

"Today is Saturday," he points out.

"It is also lunchtime," Emma agrees.

Erik goes to push his chair back, intending to leave this fucking little cafe now before Charles comes and . . . He can't move. Nothing, except his eyes, which he locks onto Emma's diamond gaze. She is holding him still, holding him here. Here, where Charles can walk in anytime. Erik slumps, and Emma lets him, because she knows that he will not try to make his escape now.

"Why?" he asks her. "I can't see him."

"Raven is as tired of Charles's moping as I am of yours," Emma informs him, smiling sharply. "I want to see - and hear - how he reacts when he sees you."

"Emma," Erik protests, but it is too late. The bell above the cafe door jingles, and Erik turns to see Charles for the first time in three months. Raven is at his side, along with that man Erik met at Charles's apartment - Logan. Charles is smiling up at the man, his blue eyes sparkling just a bit. Not as much as they used to, but sparkling just the same. Charles is paler than he was, if that is even possible, and he looks even smaller. He's lost fifteen pounds, perhaps, and they were pounds that he couldn't really afford to lose. It makes him look frail. Erik just wants to wrap him up in his arms and never let him go.

Charles goes to turn his head to say something to Raven, but he stops dead when he sees Erik. His eyes widen, and his face pales even further. Raven's eyes catch his as well, and she loops her arm with Charles's and pulls him along - towards their table.

"Hello, Emma. Erik," she greets with a cool smile, her favorite blond persona firmly in place. Charles just stands at her side silently, his eyes darting everywhere but at Erik.

"Raven. What a surprise!" Emma replies ironically. "Pull over a table and sit."

Logan looks between the two women, growling under his breath before pulling a nearby table and two chairs over for them. "I want no part of this, Raven. I told you it was a fucking stupid idea," he nearly whispers, though of course Charles can hear him.

"What?" Charles says. "What - what idea was this?"

Logan sighs, glaring at Raven before pushing Charles down into one of the chairs he pulled up. "I can't stay for this fucking train wreck. Call me later," the man orders Charles, before turning to Erik. "The threat still stands." Then he stalks out of the cafe without another word.

"That's Logan," Raven says helpfully before taking her own seat. "Did you guys order yet?"

"Just drinks," Emma replies. "And look Charles, Erik already ordered you tea." Erik looks down at the tea, thankfully still reasonably hot, and pushes it in front of Charles.

"Where's your drink?" Charles asks, expression blank. "And how did you know I was going to be here?"

"I - I didn't," Erik admits - and then he decides to be painfully honest. "I always order your tea because it reminds me of you. It smells like you."

"Oh," is all he gets in response.

Erik is scrambling for something to say when the waitress comes back to give Raven and Charles menus and take their drink orders. She just raises her eyebrow when she realizes Charles has Erik's drink, but she refrains from making any comments. Then she leaves, and Erik is left scrambling once again.

"How do you know Logan, Charles? He has a very interesting mutation," Emma breaks in, shooting him a sharp glance and giving him a mental nudge. He knows he is wasting his chance, he knows. But he's not ready. Erik's been waiting for this opportunity for three months, but he never really figured out what he would do if he ever got it.

"Um, he's Raven's friend, really," Charles replies, focusing on Emma and quite obviously doing his best to ignore Erik.

"Come now, he seems terribly fond of you," Emma says with a small, secretive smile.

"Charles wasn't scared of Logan, the first time he saw his mutation. It made Logan respect him," Raven cut in. "Now, is that enough small talk for you, Emma? I would really like to get to the part where Erik begs for forgiveness."

"So impatient," Emma sighs, shaking her head in exasperation.

"Erik doesn't beg for anything," Charles tells his sister. "I really don't know why we are here. Erik and I are over. It's been three months. I'm sure he's already moved on. Can I leave now?"

"Would you like to feel what Erik feels, Charles?" Emma asks him, staring him dead in the eye. "That is how I got your sister to agree to this lunch. She is terribly overprotective of you, and would rather castrate Erik than let him hurt you again. Raven still hasn't forgiven him, of course, but some things come with time."

Raven snorts. "I'm never going to forgive Erik, but if he gets his act together enough to make Charles happy again, and he doesn't screw up again, maybe I will eventually stop threatening to castrate him," she says archly, but there is a light in her eye when she looks at him that lets Erik know she is completely serious.

"You can do that?" Charles says, completely ignoring Raven's statement to focus on Emma. "Just . . . project his feelings into my head?"

"Yes," Emma replies confidently.

"You wouldn't mind?" Charles turns to ask him, and it is the first time he has spoken directly to Erik since the waitress interrupted them.

Erik swallows heavily, thinking about all his hopes and fears and feelings being wired directly into Charles's head by Emma. Just the thought of it leaves him feeling open and vulnerable. But this might be his only chance to get Charles back. It has been three months, and he has somehow survived them without Charles by his side, but he has certainly not been living happily. He cannot even imagine reaching a level of contentment without Charles.

And he's never been very good with words. If Emma can do this - if Emma can use Erik's feelings to convince Charles to come back . . . 

It will be worth it.

"I want you to know," Erik tells him, simply and honestly.

Charles looks at him, searching his face for something Erik doesn't know - but he seems to find it, because he turns back to Emma. "Here?" he asks curiously.

"It will only take a moment," she replies.

Charles takes a deep breath, reaches over to take Raven's hand in his own, and nods. "I'm ready," he murmurs softly.

Emma smiles at him fondly, and gentle as he's ever seen her, reaches forward to brush Charles's hair back from his face. It is an action Erik has completely hundreds of times before, sweet and intimate. It burns, to see someone else do it to Charles, even though he knows Emma has absolutely no designs on him.

"Oh," Charles breathes out. "I didn't - I didn't know."

There are tears pooling in the corners of his eyes when he opens them, fixing those beautiful baby blues on Erik. "I need to think," he says, nearly apologetically. "I need . . ."

"Whatever you need," Erik tells him.

Charles pushes his chair back and practically flees from the cafe, Raven following quickly behind him.

"Well, that went well."

Sometimes, Erik wonders if he should just murder Emma and get it over with, because he knows it is going to happen eventually.


	4. Chapter 4

_Ring. Riiiiing._

Erik wakes, glaring blearily at his phone - even more so when he catches the time. Roosters aren't even up yet. If it is Janos about work . . . "What?" he barks into the phone, not bothering to check the caller ID.

"Good morning to you, as well," Charles's voice comes wryly from his cell.

"Charles!" Erik starts, sitting up sharply and swinging his legs to the side of his bed. The blanket bunches around his waist, reminding him uncomfortably of his naked state. He can't talk to Charles naked!

"I can call back later, if that would be better," Charles offers, hesitantly, and something in Erik knows that if Charles hangs up now, Erik may never speak to him again.

"No! I'm sorry. Charles, I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm good. I'm awake. I'm naked, so give me a chance to grab some clothes. I - I didn't mean to say that. Ignore that. I'm babbling. Charles, just don't hang up," Erik is bright red and out of breath and he has never been so embarrassed in his life, but he doesn't know what he will do if Charles hangs up.

Charles laughs at him, soft and sweet and completely unconscious.

"I forgot how incoherent you could be before eight," he teases.

"Yeah," Erik agrees, pulling on a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt. "Good morning, Charles."

"Good morning, Erik," Charles plays along, and Erik is almost glad he made a fool out of himself, because at least Charles seems relaxed now. "I've been thinking."

Erik is not sure whether those words are good or bad. "Yes?" he prompts, when Charles says nothing further.

"I've missed you," Charles tells him softly. "And if - if the feelings Emma showed me are true, you've missed me too?"

"More than words can express, Charles," Erik says honestly. "I've missed you with every breath since you've been gone. Just give me a chance. I know I was a jerk, an idiot, an asshole."

"A bastard," Charles chimes in. "Don't forget that one."

Erik closes his eyes and forces a chuckle.

"No, I won't forget that one. I know I don't deserve another chance, but I want one more than anything. And if you give me another one, if you take me back, I won't let you down again. I'll make you happy, Charles, I promise. Just - please. Please, give us another try," Erik asks - begs - and his voice is rough with emotion but he forces the words out, because Erik needs to say them and Charles needs to hear them.

"I . . . we can't go back to how it was," Charles tells him. "I won't go back to how it was."

Erik feels like a hand has punched a hole through his chest just to grab his heart and squeeze.

"But - but maybe we could start again?" Charles says, hesitantly.

Erik feels like he can't breath, and he wonders distantly if maybe he hit his head and this is all a concussion-induced hallucination. "Start again?" he parrots weakly.

"Slowly. Dating. No sex, at first. Is that okay?" Charles asks him softly. "Can you do that?"

"Yes!" Erik blurts. "Yes, I can do that. That is okay. That is more than okay, and far more than I deserve. Do you want to go to dinner? Lunch? There's - there's a new movie coming out I thought you might like. And . . ."

Charles laughs again. "You're babbling again," he says, and Erik can practically see the smile in his voice. "And actually, Raven and Hank are going bowling tomorrow night, along with Sean and Moira. Do you want to come along with me?"

Bowling? With Raven, who hates his guts. With Hank, who probably does as well just because Raven does. With Sean, who witnessed Erik destroying the most important relationship of his life. And Moira, a woman (a human) who Erik has mocked (to her face) more than once before.

Also . . . bowling.

But Charles is asking, and he is going to be there. Probably in one of his cardigans and a pair of slacks. He'll likely frown endearingly down at those hideous bowling shoes every couple of minutes, and pout when his bowling ball doesn't knock all the pins down. Also, Charles is asking, and there is no way Erik is going to say 'no' to him any time in the near future.

"That sounds fun," Erik agrees. "I would love to go bowling with you."

May all the mutant gods help him, but he means it.

*****

Charles has officially turned him into a teenage girl. Erik changes his shirt eight different times, among five different shirts, and he eventually settles on the first shirt he tried on - a dark green button-down that he knows Charles likes. He changes his pants five times, from slacks to khakis to jeans back to slacks and then again to jeans. Then Erik showers for the second time, because he is sweaty from changing so much and from nerves, and his hair isn't behaving quite the way he wants it to.

He gets out, wrestles his hair into some sort of acceptable style, and puts on his chosen outfit, refusing to change his mind again. When Erik opens his closet, he glares down at his six pairs of shoes. Work boots are out, obviously, as are the sandals and running sneakers. Casual sneakers? Dress shoes? Charles has turned him into a teenage girl. Erik will have to change into those horrid rented shoes as soon as he arrives at the bowling alley - his shoes don't even matter.

But god, Charles matters. And Erik needs this date to go perfectly, so he can invite Charles to a second one, and a third, and a fourth. He finally decides to just wear the casual sneakers and go, before he is late. Charles texted him the address for the bowling alley earlier, telling Erik he would meet him there. Erik would prefer to meet Charles at his apartment and have them arrive together, but he knows that he has to respect Charles's boundaries right now. So he looks at himself in the mirror one last time, scowls at his reflection and refuses to get changed again (maybe the slacks would have been better?), and heads out the door to his car.

To go bowling. How is this his life?

*****

The parking lot is fairly full when Erik pulls up, and inside the bowling alley is packed with people. He wonders how long it will take him to find Charles in the crowd.

"Erik!" a familiar voice calls, and he turns to see Raven waving him over. Charles is sitting beside her, trying on a pair of bowling shoes and looking at Erik with wide eyes.

"Erik," Charles greets, fidgeting as if he is not sure whether to stand up and reach forward to shake Erik's hand or hug him hello or kiss him. Erik would really appreciate a kiss, but he knows that it is likely to be a long time in coming.

Erik is likely to be a long time in coming, from anything but his right hand.

"Charles," Erik says back, drinking in the sight of him. Charles is still far too skinny, fragile looking, as if a strong breeze could carry him away.

"Ahem," Raven clears her throat pointedly, raising an eyebrow. She's caught him staring, of course, and does not seem to approve. Erik misses the days when she used to greet him with a smile and hug, whole-heartedly accepting his place in her brother's life.

Erik misses the days when he had a place in her brother's life.

"Raven," Erik nods. "Good to see you. Where are Hank and the others?"

"Sean and Moira couldn't make it. Hank is getting us a lane," Raven replies. "And I wish I could say it is good to see you as well, but I would be fine never seeing you again."

"Raven!" Charles hisses, flushing lightly.

"No, Charles," she says firmly, fixing Erik with a glare. "I will not apologize for telling the truth. He hurt you, and he is going to have to do a lot of begging and groveling before I even think of trusting him with you again. And I'm definitely not going to forget what he said - or how he treated you. There's no reason why he shouldn't know that I have my eye on him and a bunch of non-metal pointy things ready when he screws up."

"I'm not going to screw up again," Erik tells her. "Though I appreciate your honesty."

"We will see," Raven replies with a scoff, then seemingly dismisses herself from the conversation by going up to the counter to tell the employee that the shoes are good and she will take them.

"I . . ." Charles begins, but Erik cuts him off.

"Don't say you're sorry to me, Charles. She is completely right in how she is treating me. If I had a sibling - If someone treated Emma the way I treated you, I would not be half so forgiving," Erik tells him.

Charles looks at him with searching blue eyes, before giving a short nod and relaxing.

"I like your shirt," he compliments, smiling.

"Oh," Erik says, trying to be casual. "You know me, I just put on the first shirt and pants I could find that didn't clash horribly."

The smile falls from Charles's face, and Erik realizes that he basically just said that he didn't care how he looked for his date with Charles. When is he going to remove his foot from his mouth?

"That was stupid of me to say," Erik admits. "I actually changed my shirt eight times before settling on this one because I know that you like it on me. I just didn't want to seem desperate by telling you that."

"Congratulations. You failed," Hank tells him, walking over and informing them that they are bowling in lane seven.

"What did Erik fail at?" Raven asks, bring a pair of bowling shoes over in Erik's size. Erik had wondered what was taking her so long, but looking down at the puke green bowling shoes, he knows she was scheming to get him the move unattractive bowling shoes possible.

"Not seeming desperate. He changed his shirt eight times," Hank tells her, a little smirk pulling at his lips.

"Wow, I don't think I ever changed that many times, not even when I was a teenager on picture day," Raven replies, smirking back at Hank.

"Bowling?" Charles interrupts, standing and grabbing Erik's elbow to lead him over to the lane. Erik just stares down at where Charles is touching him, wishing he was wearing a short-sleeved shirt so they would be skin-to-skin. He really is pathetic sometimes. Charles makes him pathetic.

Erik has never bowled before, but he is halfway decent at it, he thinks. Raven is better, and Hank must play professionally, because he is hitting strike after strike and people from the other lanes are beginning to stare. Charles is horrifyingly awful at it. Erik is contemplating using his powers to pull the gutters up for him, just so he can hit a pin. Charles would probably insist that he put them back down because it wouldn't be fair, so Erik refrains.

"I'm awful," Charles pouts, sitting beside him and watching Hank get another strike. Erik really wants to lean forward and catch that lower lip between his teeth, nibble on it gently before pulling Charles into a deeper kiss. Somehow, he holds himself back.

"You're not that bad," Erik reassures him. Charles just pouts harder.

The next time he is up, Erik throws his ball into the gutter both times. Charles brightens up a bit, reassuring him that he will do better next time. Erik does not knock down another pin for the rest of the game, and Charles manages to beat him by five points. It is worth it for the smile on Charles's face, but Raven and Hank just look at him knowingly.

"It's okay, Erik," Charles tells him earnestly, all big blue eyes as he looks up at him. "You did well for your first time! And I'm sure you will only get better. We can come back next week so you can practice."

Now Raven and Hank are smirking at him, but Erik ignores them, agreeing enthusiastically. He would walk across coals for a second date - he will gladly making a fool of himself again bowling next week just to see that smile on Charles's face. When Raven and Hank go to leave, some games later, Charles hesitantly asks if Erik would mind giving him a ride home. Erik agrees quickly under Raven's quelling glare.

"Thank you," Charles says quietly once they slip into Erik's car.

"No problem," Erik replies. It really isn't - Erik is considering getting lost on the way to Charles's apartment just to spend some more time with him, but he supposes that Charles would probably see through that ruse. Erik can practically drive to Charles's apartment in his sleep.

"Well, for the ride too, but I was talking about you throwing all the games so I wouldn't feel so bad about my atrocious skills," Charles says with a small smirk.

Erik blushes. "I . . . ah . . . I didn't mean . . ." he fumbles, starting the car and pulling out so he has an excuse to focus on the road and not meet Charles's eyes.

"I understood and appreciated the effort, Erik," Charles tells him with a smile.

"Oh," Erik breathes, relieve. "Well, good. That's good. You're very welcome."

"And I don't actually want to go bowling again next week. I just wanted to see how you would react," he says, and Erik can hear the amusement in his voice.

"You - you don't want - you don't want to go out again next week?" Erik asks, heart in his throat.

"I didn't say that. I don't want to go bowling," Charles answers. "I would be perfectly happy going to a museum. There's an absolutely fascinating new exhibit on evolution . . ."

Erik sighs, fondly exasperated. Charles could never get him to go to museums when they were dating before, but he has to know that Erik can't say 'no' to him right now. He wonders, with some amusement, how much Charles is going to use that to get Erik to 'broaden his horizons' the way he always wanted him to.

Erik is looking forward to it.


End file.
